When anything is too much
Breaking down, self-care, and making a promise to yourself.
I had my first major meltdown/shutdown of 2023.
Everything was just too much.
The month-long mast cell flare, alone, set my “cup” for the day at about a quarter full—not much to work with there. (Thankfully increased meds are finally lessening it now.)
My cooked-at-home lunch worsened the flare (how things have been recently. Normally safe foods are causing a reaction). With that, plus the whole cooking itself part drained my cup down to an eighth full.
I struggled with distractibility all day as it was. Then Luxer—our building’s package holding service—warned that they’d start charging me if I didn’t pick up my packages.
Another nudge at the tipping cup.
I had some sciatic nerve issues with all the inflammation from the flare, so I was excited to grab my new office chair anyway.
I tried to wrangle one of the two kids who were home to help me get the dolly from storage to cart the 50-pound chair up with. But as soon as I went to collect the kiddo who agreed to help, the act of getting pants and shoes on overloaded her, and she shut down. I transitioned my attention to the other kiddo. It should've been my sign that she took a mental health day from school, but she readied to come with me anyway. Yet, just as we headed toward the front door, she stopped and said she had to go to the bathroom and ran for it.
Another nudge at the already wobbling cup.
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Life and Other Stories to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.