Moving, Reducing, and Stuff
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I kind of like moving. Some aspects of it, anyway.
I mean, you'd think we loved it seeing that it's our sixth move in five years, but each shift had a good reason; except for maybe the one before this one. We wanted to pay less in rent, and wound up being miserable for a year, “getting what we paid for,” so to speak, with a larger space, but staring at the side of the overbearing Downtown Seattle Courthouse….
This time I feel like we finally found the best fit for our family (right now).
Moving can make you take stock of everything — the things you own, the people in your life — what stays, what needs to go.
Every move, frustrated, I tell myself that I have to change my shopping habits. And every move I likely produce more bags of donations than boxes to transfer to the new place.
But this is part of the appeal of moving for me: having to reduce and/or reorganize.
My brain is systematic and solution-oriented: I love figuring out new ways to make things work, or improve on something's function.
And I like that although we gained a good deal of livable space with this move, we lost roughly half of the storage, including a pantry altogether. This constriction required a major reduction and creative maneuvering, encouraging me to let go and to flex some underutilized brain power.
I have a problem with things.
As I've become more active within the Autistic community, I can see there’s a pattern amongst the lot of us.
As a neurodivergent person, I need order. But, I also like to and often need to collect things. In my case, things like:
plants
books
and bags
…being my most noticeable "problem" areas.
But if I were to practice the Konmari Method1, all of these things bring me joy individually and collectively, so that approach doesn't really work for me.
The other excess offenders are "back-up" items:
extra vitamins
beauty products
skincare
and shower supplies.
But those items in a basket in my closet and contained within a small floor cabinet in my bedroom are what I refer to as "Meltdown Mitigators." Unlike my spouse who can notice while in the shower that his body wash is getting low, continue about his shower and (maybe even a day or so later) while he's grocery shopping, he can actually remember, oh, yeah, let me grab more body wash while I'm here.
I cannot do that. My brain doesn’t retain the information on menial things once it’s out of sight. “Out of sight, out of mind,” it’s been called.
My brain functions in one of two ways:
Oh, my bar soap is getting low. As soon as I'm dried off I should go grab a new one from the cabinet; or
Dammit! I ran out of soap! Then quick-as-I-can jet to the back-ups cabinet, naked (hoping I closed the shades), dripping water everywhere, and grab a new bar of soap.
But my two modes require the same thing: to have extra soap on-hand at all times.
How these back-up items make it into the back-up zones when I’m so forgetful is that I utilize two systems: Subscribe & Save options through various sites (e.g., Amazon and Avène), and I have “Reorder Care Items” recurring task every 3 months programmed onto my digital calendar for any items unavailable through a subscription model of some kind.
I set my calendar reminders to prompt me twice: Once three days before, then on the day-of as a second reminder to order non-subscription items.
But as an added support, I also utilize a [digital] bullet journal (think: self-customized planner) where I set up my “daily pages”. On the “Reorder Care Items” date, I’ll record that as a task on that specific day when I set up for the month ahead.
My husband hates my back-ups system.
…and all my books and bags. (He likes the plants, at least.) He dislikes "stuff" and clutter; even tucked away, out of sight in a closet or cabinet, because he knows it’s there. But it's my tried-and-true solution to semi-poor executive function.
If you're not a part of the neurodivergent community or are unfamiliar with the term, as defined by Merriam-Webster: executive function is the group of complex mental processes and cognitive abilities (such as working memory, impulse inhibition, and reasoning) that control the skills (such as organizing tasks, remembering details, managing time, and solving problems) required for goal-directed behavior.
And since most neurodivergent people tend to have poor executive function, we have to find workarounds to get through life.
Before to my Autism diagnosis (not even knowing what Autism actually was prior), I started creating these systems because my life, work, and relationships took hits constantly as I struggled to keep track of things and mitigate key problem areas.
I misplaced my keys often, so I bought a hook to hang near the front door, and trained myself to register the click of the dead bolt with hang up your keys or grab your keys. And even if I’m just going to the trash chute down the hall, I always grab my keys as to not break the habit.
Then I evolved the hook, later getting a mounted rack that holds my jacket, day-pack (either a small backpack or a crossbody bag) and keys, because those items needed a landing spot too.
(Update: Now I have a small, pleather card case with an extension chain inside of it with a lobster clip at the end. I attached my house key, mailbox key, and key fob to enter my building to it, and keep a few important cards like my driver’s license, a credit card, my transit card, and regularly visited establishments’s rewards cards which I keep in a clear drawer organizer in the top drawer in my bathroom; alongside my favorite lip balm and a travel hand sanitizer. Every night when I ready for bed, I take these three, take-them-with-me-always items out of my pocket and put them in the drawer. And in the morning after I put on my sunscreen, that is my new action-signal to grab those three items and put them in my pocket. This setup works even better for me now!)
Instead of holding an item to my heart and asking myself if it sparks joy, I ask myself questions like:
What function does this have?
Does it improve my life?
Did I use this in the last two years? In the last year?
Will I use this within the next 12 months?
Then lastly, if necessary:
Could I borrow this [item] from someone else, and if not, how expensive is it to replace? (If I need it again, say, in a few years — why keep it around if it’s inexpensive and someone else can use it regularly… you may be able to borrow it from them later, if need be.)
And if you have a good deal of undecided items and the storage space to do this, you can always try the Packing [Party] Method2 where you pack up items into cardboard boxes and label them appropriately. If it's been, we'll say, a year and you still haven't opened the box, it's probably safe to donate it at the end of the year.
We currently have four of those said "just in case we need it" boxes in our storage unit. And in a year’s time, if I didn’t even open those boxes in storage, they’ll get donated without a second thought.
And here are 5 more things this week:
As a short story writer, I’m ashamed to admit that I haven’t read a story collection in a while. But I just finished Life and Other Shortcomings: Stories by Corie Adjmi. You can read my Goodreads review here.
‘Rejection gave me a fresh start, a new year,’ by Jami Attenberg on The Guardian.
7 Daily Habits That Harm Your Brain, by Sinem Günel on Medium.
Why Rich People Avoid Consumerism, by Darius Foroux on Medium.
“Simplicity involves unburdening your life, and living more lightly with fewer distractions that interfere with a high quality life, as defined uniquely by each individual.” —Linda Breen Pierce
My best,
Sara
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P.S. I predominantly write from my personal experience as an Autistic person with ADHD, chronic illness, Anxiety, and more. Each of these factors can influence my individual experience overall, as well as my experience of each condition.
What I share is not a substitute for medical advice.
Self-identification of Autism and ADHD (what many call “self-diagnosis”) is perfectly valid. If a personal Autistic experience I write about resonates deeply with you, consider these resources on Embrace Autism (starting with the Autism Quotient Test) as a first step. If professional assessment is important to you or your life has been impeded enough that you may need to qualify for Disability, you can print your results to bring to a diagnostician. (Having all those tests completed in advance saved me a lot of money!) Although there are many more diagnosticians available, here is a comprehensive list to get you started.
Lastly, some of my opinions may have changed since I first wrote the piece that lead you here.
What is the KonMari Method?, KonMari
Packing Party: Unpack a Simpler Life, The Minimalists